Sunday, 15 March 2015

CATHY: MUMS & DAUGHTERS...

I'm writing this on Mother's Day… a day for showing our mums that we appreciate all the hard work they've put into caring for us and bringing us up. It's a day for cards and breakfast in bed, for coffee and cake in town or homemade cake at home, for a handful of daffodils gathered hastily from the garden or a box of chocolates wrapped in shiny paper, or maybe just a great big hug that says 'I love you'.

My mum was the best mum ever when I was a child. She was fun and caring and always let me know I was loved. When I hit my teens, things got trickier; Mum was seriously ill for several years, and as she struggled to get through I struggled with sudden shyness and lack of confidence. Things were never quite the same… even once she was better, there was a distance there, a sense that neither of us quite understood the other. The rows began, rows that lasted for years. Mum didn't approve of my decision to go to art college, or to go to college at all; she didn't approve of my job choices, the places I lived, my lifestyle, my friends, my boyfriend… not even when he became my husband. The love that had held us together when I was small had turned into heartache. Both of us felt it, but neither of us could seem to change it.

And then came motherhood for me. When my son and daughter were born, I understood at last that fierce love between a mother and her children… even if I do look a bit frazzled in the picture! I loved my kids so much I couldn't imagine ever letting them go, and so I began to understand some of the rift that had come between me and my own mum as I grew up and took my own path through life. My parents moved up to live near us in Scotland when my kids were just toddlers, and Mum proved that she was the best gran in the world. Having kids of my own helped my mum and I to be closer than we had in years.

I tried to learn from the mistakes we'd made, too. When my kids were teenagers, I tried to give them freedom and confidence and opportunities. I was proud when they headed off to uni and I am proud of them now… and fascinated by all the ways in which they are different from me. They will make choices and decisions that I probably wouldn't, but that's OK - they are different, unique, awesome people in their own right, and I love watching their talents, skills and personalities blossom and grow.

So my message on Mother's Day is to love the mum you've got and try not to stress out if she's not perfect… she can't be, because none of us are, but she's doing the best she can. If things have been tough between you, remember it is never too late to change that - these days my mum is very elderly and unwell; she lives with us and we look after her, and the mum-daughter role has kind of reversed.  In a funny way, it feels like a second chance. There's a pic I love of Mum, me and my daughter all together, taken two years ago before Mum got ill again, and I love it… there's a lot of happy in that pic. Of course, if your mum isn't around any longer, remember the good times you shared… and remember that she loved you the best she could.

Have YOU got a message for your mum on Mother's Day? COMMENT BELOW to have your say! 

4 comments:

  1. Just one little mistake I would like to point out - daffodils doesn't have two lots of l's it only has one. Commenting on the post, I'm not that keen on Mother's Day (sorry Mum!), I'm more keen on Father's Day, because me and my dad have a really good bonding, so I guess I'm more generous and kind on that day! All the same, your parents are equally loving and kind to you, so you should respect them both, even if you don't agree with one another!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, it looks like I have competition in proofreading the posts! Well played, Zarin.

      Delete
  2. I understand this post, from my own experience too and am touched by it's truth, sincerity and kindness.

    ReplyDelete