Wednesday, 8 April 2015

EBONY: THE FRIENDS I LEFT BEHIND...

Reader Ebony thought her friendship was forever… until Jeanette came on the scene…

Ebony says:
I met Harriet at the start of Year Three. We were inseparable - we had so much in common and our personalities just matched really well. She understood me like nobody else ever had - it felt amazing to finally have a friend I could trust with anything. We were best friends right up until Year Six, and that as when everything changed. Just after Christmas, Harriet made friends with a girl called Jeanette. Everyone knows girls like Jeanette… popular, mysterious, a bit of a troublemaker. She had a reputation of coming between friends, of getting in the middle of a friendship and stirring up trouble, then walking away to leave a big mess and a shattered friendship. And that is exactly what happened with Harriet and I.

It began gradually. Jeanette started to influence Harriet's style… and then my best friend changed the way she talked, the way she acted towards people, her attitude towards work and school. Things got more major. They started to have private chats that didn't include me, they'd go places without inviting me, have inside jokes, leave me out, block me out. Eventually it seemed like every time I opened my mouth to speak they looked right through me as if I wasn't even there. I felt alone, boxed out, angry.
The girls in my class picked up that something was wrong and tried to help, but nothing worked. In the end, I walked away from the friendship - I had no choice. They didn't take it well. I got glares, giggles, whispers… but I didn't care. I had let go, moved on - I was free.

Fast forward three years and I am now in Year Nine, and life is good. I text Jeanette occasionally. She has apologised for what she did and I forgave her, but I still don't trust her. I haven't seen or spoken to Harriet since the last day of Year Six, but I have to say I don't miss her at all. I've moved on. Her friendship wasn't worth the hurt. I am happy, healthy and I have friends and family who love me… what more could a girl want? I sometimes wonder what might have happened if Harriet had stood up to Jeanette, showed some loyalty - but she didn't, and that showed me that the friendship I'd valued meant very little to her. Sometimes I think of the friends I left behind... but I have no regrets.

All names have been changed; picture posed by model Jacqueline. Thank you!

Cathy says:
Ebony's story is not unusual… sadly, friendship isn't always forever. Would you have done the same as Ebony? COMMENT BELOW to have your say.

8 comments:

  1. I would have of walked away as well, what's the point? if stick you around to long the hurt will just grow, and it will keep on going. Its the right thing to do

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  2. I think Ebony was very sensible. If someone can hurt you that easily, do they truly value your friendship and are they worth your time? Probably not. Mum told me yesterday that she'd lost a friend - an ex-colleague who was very flippant about Mum's problems that had meant she'd had to leave work and totally ignored her after that. I told her she hadn't lost a friend. If someone cares that little for your friendship, they are not your friends, they are drains and you are better off without them. You haven't lost anything in that situation. As Ebony said, you're free. Friends aren't always forever and it may seem sad but people change and sometimes old friendships aren't worth hanging on to, especially if they've become damaging. I'm not in touch with many of my childhood friends. I'm still friends with a girl I've known since I was 12 but the others have faded into obscurity. People grow apart. And you have to let go. No point hanging on "for old time's sake". That's a horrible foundation for any sort of relationship to be built on.

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    1. Couldn't have said it better myself! ~You certainly have a way with words, Blue, you are extremely articulate! :)

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  3. I feel like something like this is happening to me and my best friend. She is the year behind me and this year I moved on to secondary school, leaving her behind. She was already good friends with someone who made my life uncomfortable a few years ago and still hates me for no reason. I have a feeling she is trying to use my best friend to get to me, because that's her style. Someone please tell me I am not hallucinating.......
    Clare

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    1. You should talk to your friend about it. Don't accuse her of going off with someone else, just tell her why you're uncomfortable with her new friend.

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    2. Thanks will do.
      Clare

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  4. I did the same as Ebony. It's the right thing to do really; when a friend changes for the worse, you're not really leaving a friend behind as they're not the person you made friends with anymore. There's always the risk of the relationship becoming really bitter, though. When I left my friend behind for people who actually cared about me, she started to really hate me, making cruel comments and trying to spread rumours about me. The thing is, though, she tries to turn the class against me when I'm not really in the class; all my friends are in Sixth Form and they're who I really care about. Even if she knew them, my friends now are the kind that don't judge you for anything.

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