Wednesday, 15 July 2015

TAMARA: THEY'RE SPREADING RUMOURS...

Reader Tamara has a question for Honey Tanberry… can the oldest Chocolate Box Girl solve the problem?

Tamara says:
I just don't know what to do. People are spreading rumours about me and things I've done in the past. I've moved on from those things and I don't know why people are raking it all up now all of a sudden. I feel so confused and I don't say anything, but my friends think I'm ignoring them because I'm so quiet. To make things worse, my friends are hanging out with people they know I don't get along with. I don't want to have issues with anyone, but nor do I want to have to fix problems I didn't even create. What would you do, Honey?

Honey says:
First of all, refuse to be bullied for mistakes you may have made in the past. I have made plenty, trust me, but if anyone tried to use those mistakes against me I would ask very calmly and clearly why they want to drag up the past. I would also ask them if they had never made a mistake themselves. Yes, I have made mistakes but I have learned from them and I will not be picked on for living my life… so speak up and make it clear you know that certain things in your past may not have been perfect, but that you have moved on. Ask the rumour-mongers to move on too. Hopefully your friends will respect you for speaking up. You have a choice whether to hang out with their new crowd, but if you know you don't get on with that group look for new mates and see your old friends when they are away from the main group. The main message is not to buy into the drama. Find new friends who support and respect you and refuse to let spiteful rumours and friendship feuds bring you down. Good luck.

Cathy says:
Friendship problems can take time to sort, but I agree with Honey here, don't let yourself be dragged into the drama. Do YOU agree with Honey's advice? What would YOU add? COMMENT BELOW to have your say...

5 comments:

  1. Honey's said everything that is there to be said and I think I'll find her advice useful for me, too. :-)

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  2. People are constantly spreading rumours about me, but I learnt a long time ago to just ignore them. I don't always do this, but it's what I chant to myself when I need it.

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  3. I hear quite a few rumours about me that do the rounds every few months or so, and they're all from last year when I left the air cadets because of how much I was being bullied. It doesn't bother me much anymore, because I know none of it is true, and they bring up the same things time and time again, so I am quite bored of what they have to say.

    The rumour mongers have used their false faces and hurtful words as weapons to try an defame my character, but I have not retaliated so the moral high ground is still mine.

    I know how you feel about moving on yourself and then having people try and take you back to the past. It's both annoying and upsetting at times.

    Try doing some kind of mediation, where you sit in a room with some of the rumour mongers, and you each take a witness each who sits and listens, and have someone who is a neutral party like a teacher sat in the middle to make sure everyone gets a chance to speak about how they really feel with no interruptions. It can help talk things over and iron out any creases; and draw a line underneath it for everyone.

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  4. I think everyone goes through some kind of bullying and rumour spreading in their high school life. Which is sad actually.

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  5. A mean girl who made my primary school life a misery-I don't know why she dislikes me-spread rumors of me being mean to her to my friends. And she pretends to be my friend but my mum's friend heard her and she isn't. Don't worry-rumors are part of lots of peoples lives', Tamara, don't worry, you are not the only one. I know what bullies are like. Good luck.

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