Tuesday, 9 October 2018


A very tricky problem from reader NOLA... let's see what COCO TANBERRY has to say!

So I think my dad is having an affair. He spends so much time on his phone and the worst part is, my mum has a chronic illness called ME so doesn’t have the energy to notice a lot of the time. How else could you explain why he’s on his phone all the time? He evades my questions about it and says it’s none of my business. Sometimes I hate my life.

I understand why you are worried - I remember when my own dad was having an affair - or several affairs, I suppose, over the years - and it was horrible. There were lots of arguments and stony silences and he was away a lot, and when my parents eventually broke up it was actually almost a relief, although I suppose I'm not supposed to say that. The point is, I DO remember how stressful the not knowing part was. So yes, the mysterious phone calls may be a sign that something bad is going on - or perhaps just a sign that your dad is stressed and worried and out of his depth and needs someone to talk to? When someone in the family has a chronic illness, things can become difficult and stressful. I say that because I saw how my family struggled when I was ill. Plus, we are all reliant on our phones more than ever now - perhaps your dad is using his phone to juggle work or research ME or chat to other people with a partner going through the same illness?

OK, so how do you find out what's happening? Talk to him again and let him see that you need answers... that unless you know the truth, you will jump to the very worst conclusions. Hopefully, if he sees how scared you are, he will be honest and reassuring, and no matter what the truth is, it's better to know than to imagine the worst. If your dad still won't talk to you, speak to your mum - she may be ill, but I guarantee she still cares very much about you and will find the time to talk and set your mind at rest. If neither option seems possible, talk to a trusted relative who can get to the bottom of this for you.

I know that life seems very bleak for you right now, and I think you probably need some extra support at school - talk to a trusted teacher or school counsellor so that you have a safe place to unload all these worries. Bottling up the fears and anxieties is never a solution - trust me, I know. I hope you get some answers - and good luck.

Summer's advice is good - what Nola needs is to talk honestly to her parents and find out what's really happening. Do YOU have any extra advice for her? COMMENT BELOW to add your thoughts!

1 comment:

  1. Just a note, but you said "Let's see what Coco Tanberry has to say!" then gave a response from Summer :)



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