It's problem time on DREAMCATCHER today… and reader Sarah has a problem. Honey Tanberry has some words of wisdom… will you agree with them?
Sarah says:
I regularly go to a youth club session for young people with disabilities, and I love it. I get on with all the youth workers, but I have just discovered that my favourite one is a little bit different. She didn't come right out and say she was a lesbian, but she did let slip that she has a female partner. The problem is that I am straight, and I don't know how to tell her this. It seems easier just to avoid her… should I do this, or pretend nothing's wrong and go on doing the activities she runs? Please help… I have no idea what to do now!
Honey says:
What to do? Well, do nothing! What difference does it make whether your favourite youth worker is straight or gay? If she prefers to holiday in Corfu or Clacton-on-Sea? Or likes curry better than chips? It has no bearing at all on how she does her job, unless you think she's likely to make a pass at you - and why would she? She's a professional, and no more likely to get flirty with you than a male/ straight youth worker. Added to which, she has a partner… she's just telling you about them because they are a part of her life! If you suddenly stop taking part in the activities she sets up, you'd not only hurt her feelings over something that really should not be an issue, but YOU would be the loser. These days, we are a caring, tolerant society and we accept that not everybody is the same. Some are able bodied, some not; some are black, some white; some are vegetarian, some eat meat; some straight, some gay. Being gay is not a threat, or something bad or scary. I think you've over reacted because you may not have come across many gay people before; this is your chance to relax and understand that a good person is a good person, straight or gay. You've given yourself the answer in your email… just carry on as usual. The shock will fade and you'll soon come to take it in your stride. All will be well!
Cathy says:
Honey is spot on, if a little direct! Go back to your youth group and carry on as usual… nothing has really changed. How would YOU feel if someone you know well told you they were gay? COMMENT BELOW to have your say...
Sarah says:
I regularly go to a youth club session for young people with disabilities, and I love it. I get on with all the youth workers, but I have just discovered that my favourite one is a little bit different. She didn't come right out and say she was a lesbian, but she did let slip that she has a female partner. The problem is that I am straight, and I don't know how to tell her this. It seems easier just to avoid her… should I do this, or pretend nothing's wrong and go on doing the activities she runs? Please help… I have no idea what to do now!
What to do? Well, do nothing! What difference does it make whether your favourite youth worker is straight or gay? If she prefers to holiday in Corfu or Clacton-on-Sea? Or likes curry better than chips? It has no bearing at all on how she does her job, unless you think she's likely to make a pass at you - and why would she? She's a professional, and no more likely to get flirty with you than a male/ straight youth worker. Added to which, she has a partner… she's just telling you about them because they are a part of her life! If you suddenly stop taking part in the activities she sets up, you'd not only hurt her feelings over something that really should not be an issue, but YOU would be the loser. These days, we are a caring, tolerant society and we accept that not everybody is the same. Some are able bodied, some not; some are black, some white; some are vegetarian, some eat meat; some straight, some gay. Being gay is not a threat, or something bad or scary. I think you've over reacted because you may not have come across many gay people before; this is your chance to relax and understand that a good person is a good person, straight or gay. You've given yourself the answer in your email… just carry on as usual. The shock will fade and you'll soon come to take it in your stride. All will be well!
Cathy says:
Honey is spot on, if a little direct! Go back to your youth group and carry on as usual… nothing has really changed. How would YOU feel if someone you know well told you they were gay? COMMENT BELOW to have your say...
wow I love Honeys advice so true
ReplyDeleteTrust me, Mum and I were a lot more direct than Honey although we share the same view. We can't understand why Sarah thinks it's a problem that she's straight and a youth worker is gay - we're not segregated by sexuality! I don't get how people can be like "I really like this person" then suddenly decide they don't like them or act weird around them after finding out a tiny bit of information. So, she likes women. And? She doesn't fancy every woman she sees (plus she has a partner) and gayness is not contagious. She is exactly the same person she's always been. I've had friends come out as trans, bisexual, all sorts and I give them all the same supportive words. They are who they are and I still like them because why wouldn't I? Like, if they had blue eyes and it turned out that they were wearing contacts and their eyes were actually brown, I wouldn't stop being friends with them because who makes friends with someone based on one presumption they've made? Weird stuff. I also have quite a few straight friends and they haven't caught the gay from me so I think it's perfectly safe to be near gay people if you're not gay yourself. Maybe it's because of all my involvement with the LGBT+ community but I can't see why this is even a problem. It's like me freaking out because Mum prefers whole milk and I prefer semi-skimmed. I just can't look her in the eye knowing she has a different preference(!)
ReplyDeleteI think Sarah's just very young and surprised... I think it's just the first time she has knowingly come across this, and probably by now she is fine with it anyway... hoping so!
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I understand Sarah its probably just unexpected my parents have always told me to be myself and accept others for some people it may get be a shock to know someone they care for is not who they first thought.
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ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter whether you are gay or not, we're all equal, whether we're straight or gay.
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