Reader Tania has made a mistake and doesn't know how to put it right - can CHERRY COSTELLO help with some good advice?
Tania says:
I've lost all my friends and the stupid thing is, it's all my fault. Last year a new girl, C, joined our friendship group. She seemed nice and I liked her, and she settled in well. After a while, I started to feel envious of how well she had settled, as if she had been there forever - she often came up with ideas of what to do and where to go, and sometimes she would see a couple of my friends without the rest of us, because they live near her. I can see now that I was jealous. At Christmas, her parents split up and my mum made a comment that C's mum was to blame as she was always flirting. A few weeks ago when C was getting lots of sympathy about the split, I repeated my mum's comment. I was quite nasty about it, to be honest. My friends just looked at me like they didn't know me. My friends have been very cold to me since then, as if they don't want me around. I don't blame them. I have been so stupid and so mean. Have I lost my friends forever?
Cherry says:
Ouch... jealousy is not called the green-eyed monster for nothing. You've clearly been feeling a little pushed out by C, but your catty comment was cruel and it's no surprise your friends have jumped to defend C. You know you're in the wrong here... time to come out and say so. Speak to C alone and make a full apology, explaining that you've felt a little insecure lately. Let her know you bitterly regret your comment. What she needed at that moment was friendship and understanding, not an attack on her mother. Will she forgive you? Perhaps, but I imagine she will find it hard to trust you in future... that's something you will have to live with. Next, talk to your other friends and let them know how sorry you are; they haven't expelled you from the friendship group, so the chances are that in time they will forgive and forget. Most of all, learn from your mistake... never say anything mean about anyone else and put yourself in their shoes to imagine how they might be feeling. Mistakes can feel like the end of the world, but if you're brave enough to say sorry and learn from them, they are not in vain.
Cathy says:
Wise words from Cherry... this is not a problem with a quick fix, alas, but it should certainly be a lesson for Tania. Would YOU add anything to Cherry's advice? COMMENT BELOW to add your thoughts!
Tania says:
I've lost all my friends and the stupid thing is, it's all my fault. Last year a new girl, C, joined our friendship group. She seemed nice and I liked her, and she settled in well. After a while, I started to feel envious of how well she had settled, as if she had been there forever - she often came up with ideas of what to do and where to go, and sometimes she would see a couple of my friends without the rest of us, because they live near her. I can see now that I was jealous. At Christmas, her parents split up and my mum made a comment that C's mum was to blame as she was always flirting. A few weeks ago when C was getting lots of sympathy about the split, I repeated my mum's comment. I was quite nasty about it, to be honest. My friends just looked at me like they didn't know me. My friends have been very cold to me since then, as if they don't want me around. I don't blame them. I have been so stupid and so mean. Have I lost my friends forever?
Ouch... jealousy is not called the green-eyed monster for nothing. You've clearly been feeling a little pushed out by C, but your catty comment was cruel and it's no surprise your friends have jumped to defend C. You know you're in the wrong here... time to come out and say so. Speak to C alone and make a full apology, explaining that you've felt a little insecure lately. Let her know you bitterly regret your comment. What she needed at that moment was friendship and understanding, not an attack on her mother. Will she forgive you? Perhaps, but I imagine she will find it hard to trust you in future... that's something you will have to live with. Next, talk to your other friends and let them know how sorry you are; they haven't expelled you from the friendship group, so the chances are that in time they will forgive and forget. Most of all, learn from your mistake... never say anything mean about anyone else and put yourself in their shoes to imagine how they might be feeling. Mistakes can feel like the end of the world, but if you're brave enough to say sorry and learn from them, they are not in vain.
Cathy says:
Wise words from Cherry... this is not a problem with a quick fix, alas, but it should certainly be a lesson for Tania. Would YOU add anything to Cherry's advice? COMMENT BELOW to add your thoughts!
Everyone makes mistakes, if no one made a mistake the world would be boring. Forgiveness is hard but if those girls are really your friends they will forgive you but they might not forget.
ReplyDeleteYou can make it up to your friends if you don't hold back. The longer you wait to make it up to them, the bigger chance that they won't forgive you. But if they still don't forgive you, then maybe they were never really your friends in the first place.
ReplyDeletethat's great advice and don't worry as I have done something similar but everyone makes mistakes and its not your fault x
ReplyDeleteFriendship is a complicated thing but most friends forgive and forget,try to make up with your friend and keep them close but leave room for other people.
ReplyDeleteDont worry, apolgise and get your friendship back on track
ReplyDeleteJust say sorry. The longer you leave something like that, the worse it will get. There's hope that they'll forgive you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard situation, but you need to face up and say sorry, the sooner the better. Explain to them how guilty you feel now you've said it, they will understand. I've been in situations like this before and the best solution is to apologise, no matter how hard it is. It might take time, but your friends will forgive you. If not, they are not good friends to have anyway. Good luck, hope this helps! :-)
ReplyDeleteEvery one makes mistakes, but that doesn't mean you and friend group can't make up. But you also need to face that what you done is a mistake. As long as you say sorry and learn from your mistakes. xx
ReplyDeleteSince Cherry has been in a similar situation, take her advice- it might work if you try it!
ReplyDeleteTianna, I've just been reading about another girls problem and yet again, I've got the same problem as you here. I've been stabbed by jealousy a 100 times. Don't let it get to you girl! My to best friends sometimes ignore me. There not doing it on purpose, but they sometimes just leave me in the school playground, alone, to figure out what I'd done that had made them walk away to play or chat with someone else. You know what I do when they ignore me, I ignore them. I just toss my hair in there face like there not there. So that there the ones saying sorry. I'm taking Cherry's advise as well as you. The minute I get back to school, I'm just gonna tell them they've been ignoring me and this time, I'll be the one to say sorry. You'll be friends again Tianna. I promise! R.B :-]
ReplyDelete