It's problem page time again on DREAMCATCHER... this week, reader Julia has a question for Skye Tanberry!
Julia says:
Skye, I totally identify with how you feel to be in the shadow of Summer. My BFF is smart, beautiful and very talented at drawing. People always ask her to help with spellings or maths questions and sometimes I find myself whispering 'I know the answer...' but nobody even thinks of asking me. Please don't think I am jealous - I'm not - but I feel bad knowing that others don't think I am as capable as her. We have talked about this before, and she knows how I feel. In a funny way, I also feel bad for her, because people do expect her to know all the answers and she is a girl who hates to disappoint.
Skye says:
I really do empathise. I used to feel very overshadowed by my twin Summer, but like you I began to see that there is a dark side to having people expect so much from you. It can be a huge pressure. Summer is the most sparkly, dramatic twin - the one people notice - but it hasn't always made her happy. In the same way, your friend feels anxious to please everyone and that can be a burden sometimes. There are advantages to being the quiet one... when you DO do something cool, people are surprised and impressed. I actually like flying under the radar most of the time - I'm quite shy, and would hate the constant scrutiny and pressure of having others demand so much from me. You have spoken to your friend about the way you feel, and that is good - this must not drive a wedge between you. It's not something either of you have chosen, after all. As you go through school, you may find you can both move outside of the box others have put you in, try new things, exceed expectations. Friendship is a bond between the two of you, and that should always come first... along with a knowledge that both of you are awesome and unique and every bit as good as the other one. Good luck.
Cathy says:
Some good advice from Skye... would YOU add anything to it? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Julia says:
Skye, I totally identify with how you feel to be in the shadow of Summer. My BFF is smart, beautiful and very talented at drawing. People always ask her to help with spellings or maths questions and sometimes I find myself whispering 'I know the answer...' but nobody even thinks of asking me. Please don't think I am jealous - I'm not - but I feel bad knowing that others don't think I am as capable as her. We have talked about this before, and she knows how I feel. In a funny way, I also feel bad for her, because people do expect her to know all the answers and she is a girl who hates to disappoint.
I really do empathise. I used to feel very overshadowed by my twin Summer, but like you I began to see that there is a dark side to having people expect so much from you. It can be a huge pressure. Summer is the most sparkly, dramatic twin - the one people notice - but it hasn't always made her happy. In the same way, your friend feels anxious to please everyone and that can be a burden sometimes. There are advantages to being the quiet one... when you DO do something cool, people are surprised and impressed. I actually like flying under the radar most of the time - I'm quite shy, and would hate the constant scrutiny and pressure of having others demand so much from me. You have spoken to your friend about the way you feel, and that is good - this must not drive a wedge between you. It's not something either of you have chosen, after all. As you go through school, you may find you can both move outside of the box others have put you in, try new things, exceed expectations. Friendship is a bond between the two of you, and that should always come first... along with a knowledge that both of you are awesome and unique and every bit as good as the other one. Good luck.
Cathy says:
Some good advice from Skye... would YOU add anything to it? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Same with my brother, but we're really close so it's mostly ok
ReplyDeletei can fully identify with Summer and Julia's friend. I have found myself in situations when people seem to expect too much of me, it can be very stressful. My advice would be similar to Skye's, talk to your friend and see her side of things!!!
ReplyDeleteI used to feel exactly the same way. My bff was so amazing. But no she's friends with a girl who absolutely despises me. They both want to outshine the other. Over time I'm sure it will fall apart. Competitive friendships are only going to break. Maybe it's best if your in the shadows?
ReplyDeleteI never feel like that , even if my friend gets more attention than me. Sure, it might be strange for a person who has always had the most attention to suddenly find themselves in a friendship ith a person much more popular than them, but you can forget it and make new friends!
ReplyDeleteI'm always second best to my amazingly talented best friend is but am too scared to say anything
ReplyDeleteI'm second best as well. I've got two friends and one of them seems to have a favourite and pushes my around and calls me names. it really gets me down.
ReplyDelete