Reader Carys shares the sad thoughts that sometimes go through her mind... and wonders if other people feel the same.
Carys says:
I call them 'rainy day thoughts' because they creep up on me unawares sometimes on long, grey days when the rain sheets down like it might be the end of the world. Those are the days when everything feels difficult. I don't want to get up, don't want to go to school, don't want to go out into the big, wide, wet-and-miserable day. I feel as grey and sad as the day itself, and I know that the slightest thing will upset me that day. If I miss the bus, if a car splashes water onto my school uniform, if the boy I like doesn't even look at me, if my best friend spends too long talking to someone else, if the grade on my essay homework is anything less than an A*.
Sad days suck. They sap away at your self-esteem, make you question your capability to do things well, or do them at all. You wonder why the teachers put up with you, why your friends don't ditch you for someone nicer, kinder, brighter, more fun. The harder you try to hide the sadness, the more it leaks through, and people begin to look at you oddly, with pity, as if you might have some kind of rare virus that is contagious. They smile, but their eyes slip away and you find yourself sitting alone in a corner of the library, counting the hours, the minutes, to home time. When you get home, your temper sours and you take it all out on your mum, your dad, your little sister. Then you hate yourself even more.
I used to think I was going mad, that I had depression, maybe even something worse. Then I began ticking the days off on my calendar and saw that the bad days, the low days, often came just before my period. Could the sad days be down to hormones? It looks that way. My doctor said I was healthy, that hormonal swings were normal, a part of growing up. My mum said I didn't have to put up with it, so she did some research on PMT or pre menstrual tension and changed the way we ate. As a family, we cut back on salt, sugar and processed foods, dumped cola drinks and junk food. Mum, me and my little sister started doing regular yoga together, to a DVD. I still have 'rainy day thoughts' just before my periods, but it doesn't feel quite as bad as it used to. Perhaps it the healthy eating stuff, or the yoga which does seem to help me relax and chill out, or perhaps it is just that I now know what is behind the mood swings.
Whatever the reason, I don't get so scared when my mood swings down to a low point, because I know it will swing back again. Even on rainy days, you know that the sun will come out again in the end.
Awesome photographs by reader Emily - wow!
Cathy says:
A brilliant description of teen mood swings... so well expressed, Carys. Do YOU get mood swings linked to your period? Have you found anything that helps? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
I call them 'rainy day thoughts' because they creep up on me unawares sometimes on long, grey days when the rain sheets down like it might be the end of the world. Those are the days when everything feels difficult. I don't want to get up, don't want to go to school, don't want to go out into the big, wide, wet-and-miserable day. I feel as grey and sad as the day itself, and I know that the slightest thing will upset me that day. If I miss the bus, if a car splashes water onto my school uniform, if the boy I like doesn't even look at me, if my best friend spends too long talking to someone else, if the grade on my essay homework is anything less than an A*.
Sad days suck. They sap away at your self-esteem, make you question your capability to do things well, or do them at all. You wonder why the teachers put up with you, why your friends don't ditch you for someone nicer, kinder, brighter, more fun. The harder you try to hide the sadness, the more it leaks through, and people begin to look at you oddly, with pity, as if you might have some kind of rare virus that is contagious. They smile, but their eyes slip away and you find yourself sitting alone in a corner of the library, counting the hours, the minutes, to home time. When you get home, your temper sours and you take it all out on your mum, your dad, your little sister. Then you hate yourself even more.
Whatever the reason, I don't get so scared when my mood swings down to a low point, because I know it will swing back again. Even on rainy days, you know that the sun will come out again in the end.
Awesome photographs by reader Emily - wow!
Cathy says:
A brilliant description of teen mood swings... so well expressed, Carys. Do YOU get mood swings linked to your period? Have you found anything that helps? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
I do have depression and it's like constant mood swings. Some days I'm alright and I can get up, maybe even leave the house (as long as it's not a rainy apocalypse type of day!) and generally feel alright. Other days, I struggle to get up, can't face leaving the house, have to stay away from my family because I know I'll just snap at them and just feel really low. And yet other days, I just feel numb and empty. I function remarkably well on the surface, making jokes and laughing and smiling at the right times but I feel like a character in a show, sticking to the script of what's expected. Those days aren't too good. I try and tell myself that emotions are overrated anyway but being numb makes me feel sub-human and cold because I can't react to things that would normally make me cry and that's a bit harder to fake. Being sad is not in my range of expected emotions so when my cat died on a numb day, I was a bit stuck. Didn't know how to be sad. Certainly couldn't cry. Mum thought I didn't care but all the emotions I'd normally feel were buried under a thick blanket of nothingness. Still, sunny days, both literal and figurative are becoming more frequent. And even if there's a blip and suddenly a cloudy or rainy day comes along, the sunny days will always be back. Sometimes there's a full week of sunny days and that's pretty darn amazing!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good piece of writing. It describes feelings really well. Very good.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean Blue... The numb days suck. I don't have depression, I'm very lucky, but I do get days like that when all I want is to collapse but there's something that won't quite let me. I laugh and joke and swing from being quiet to being really loud and boisterous, but I can't quite control it. Sometimes it coincides with periods, sometimes not. I often fall out with people over silly things on these days. So yeah. They suck. I call them cloudy days because I haven't got full control over my emotions; it's like there's a cloud in my head fuzzing over all my instincts and feelings. Thankfully though, they don't come too often.
ReplyDeleteLet's make a :KICK OUT THE RAINY DAY BLUES feeling and bring back the DAYDREAMS campaign!!!! Woo!!!
ReplyDeleteMy "RAiny days" usually consist of being called "fat" on a daily bases and I have eating disorder which doesn't help with anything I suffer from low self esteem I love reading ur books Cathy they are the only thing that puts a smile ony face (and Adam salehs vlogs) even if I already read ur book I'll read it 5 timed and each time I'll pretend I don't know the story line
ReplyDeleteI have rainy days as well, but not in any particular order. It started off being rare, so it could have been because of my period, but now I feel like that every day. My boyfriend, ex-best friend and current friends all get annoyed with me and it affects my education as well. Parents meeting was yesterday, and dad said my grades weren't good enough. I think it's because of my rainy days
ReplyDeleteI really hate rainy days. Which are pretty much all I think about at the moment. I nearly lost my very best friend because I put my anger all on her. I don't even think she did anything. Once, on a normal Monday morning I felt so upset, so weary. I felt a tear trickle dawn my cheek and before I new it I burst into tears. And not just a normal cry. It was more a "Someone Killed Your Pet Hamster" sort of cry. Nothing had even happened to me that day, but I was so upset. When I got to school I just started screaming at my friend. Saying she wasn't good enough. Then I burst into tears again and my friend gave me a hug. Saying it was alright and that it's just best to let it all out. I told Mum and she said she had the same problem. So then I found out it was my hormones at it again. I feel better telling someone in stead of tucking it away and then pulling it out and shoving it into the face of my friend. So no more rainy days. Well... there is sometimes but not as bad. So I guess I have my friends and family to thank for it. Because growing up is so much harder then it looks. But it'll be all right in the end!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RAINY DAYS! Say yes if you agree with me.
ReplyDelete