It's problem page time again on DREAMCATCHER and reader Josie has a problem for Skye Tanberry... will YOU agree with her advice?
Josie says:
I have been back at school for less than a week and already I am massively depressed. My friends are acting really weirdly. They are not blanking me exactly but acting very cool and I get the impression they are talking about me behind my back and laughing at me. When I try to talk to them or join in with something, they just clam up and look at me like I'm something pathetic and sad. I don't know what I have done wrong. We are a group of six and I haven't seen them really since the start of the holidays as we all had holidays at different times. I did see one girl, Lucy, and she seemed fine, the same as ever. She is the only one who looks a bit uncomfortable now about what is happening. What can I do? We have been a group for more than a year and I dread being pushed out, I have tried so hard to fit in.
Skye says:
I think you need to talk to Lucy alone and find out what exactly is going on. She may feel uncomfortable, but you need to know what's happening here and she can help by telling you the truth. Although the group are acting as if you've done something wrong, this is almost certainly not about anything you have or have not done, and more about the group itself. There seems to be quite a mean streak running through these girls, and their could shoulder treatment is verging on the cruel. You say you've tried very hard to fit in... but have you tried being yourself? Trying less hard? You could start right now by being honest and explaining how bad you are feeling because of their mean behaviour. This may not change anything, but it would be a show of strength and honesty and you'd feel like you'd stood up for yourself a little. You dread being 'pushed out' but what is the worst that could happen? You may be alone for a short time, but you would find new friends, hopefully ones you can trust more. Friendship is not about playing games and making people feel bad, it is about loyalty and support and understanding. If these girls can't offer that, you are better off without them.
Cathy says:
Straight-talking advice from Skye... do YOU agree with her comments? Would you add any wise words of your own? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Josie says:
I have been back at school for less than a week and already I am massively depressed. My friends are acting really weirdly. They are not blanking me exactly but acting very cool and I get the impression they are talking about me behind my back and laughing at me. When I try to talk to them or join in with something, they just clam up and look at me like I'm something pathetic and sad. I don't know what I have done wrong. We are a group of six and I haven't seen them really since the start of the holidays as we all had holidays at different times. I did see one girl, Lucy, and she seemed fine, the same as ever. She is the only one who looks a bit uncomfortable now about what is happening. What can I do? We have been a group for more than a year and I dread being pushed out, I have tried so hard to fit in.
I think you need to talk to Lucy alone and find out what exactly is going on. She may feel uncomfortable, but you need to know what's happening here and she can help by telling you the truth. Although the group are acting as if you've done something wrong, this is almost certainly not about anything you have or have not done, and more about the group itself. There seems to be quite a mean streak running through these girls, and their could shoulder treatment is verging on the cruel. You say you've tried very hard to fit in... but have you tried being yourself? Trying less hard? You could start right now by being honest and explaining how bad you are feeling because of their mean behaviour. This may not change anything, but it would be a show of strength and honesty and you'd feel like you'd stood up for yourself a little. You dread being 'pushed out' but what is the worst that could happen? You may be alone for a short time, but you would find new friends, hopefully ones you can trust more. Friendship is not about playing games and making people feel bad, it is about loyalty and support and understanding. If these girls can't offer that, you are better off without them.
Cathy says:
Straight-talking advice from Skye... do YOU agree with her comments? Would you add any wise words of your own? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Hi Josie (I'm not sure if you're reading this but I hope you are)! I struggled with a similar problem last school year, my friend started acting strange by deliberately annoying me so she could somehow impress her other friend. It really got on my nerves so I took the start of this year as a fresh start, I told her I wanted to be friends with other people and walked away. It was hard but it's worth it if friends take your friendship for granted. They will probably regret treating you badly if you're the one to move on. I'm sure that you have a few other nice people in your class perhaps you have a few acquaintances that you could become better friends with. If you feel like it you can ask some to sit with you at break or lunch and try out being with several groups of people before being with some every day! This works for me and it's nice to talk with different people each day, if you let them know about your problems with your other friends then they are likely to be understanding and take you under their wing. I wish you good luck with your fresh start! :D
ReplyDeleteHi Josie, I'm really sorry to hear that!Skye is right,you should talk to Lucy.It sounds like your friends are trying too hard and are maybe even jealous of you. Don't try and change yourself because they are being funny,( not as in haha funny). You are per fect this way you are.Talk to Lucy and discuss your feelings( she needs to know)ask her how she feels about this and try to acknowledge the fact that she might be upset and guilty too.
ReplyDeleteTeach her to stay true to herself and to not be guided by other people.maybe even invite her round to your house. Be cheerful( and I know its hard!) and smile
It may take a while but don't throw it away xxx work at it
Trust me I know what I'm talking about my friend can be like that but sometimes I have to ignore it or talk to her and make new friends as well as her
Branch out a bit talk to them and always believe
Smile!
Things will get better
Love laurenxxxxx
Lol0712.ly@gmail.com
hi Josie,
ReplyDeletei think you should do what Skye says and talk to Lucy. i know how you feel because this happened to me for five years in my life so i would also advice talking to an adult you trust. i know thats what everyone says but it actually really helps because they can hel you do something about it.
Good Luck :}
Hey there Josie!
ReplyDeleteI've no idea if you are reading this but I wanted to give my opinion :)
You should totally talk to Lucy and get her to open up about her feelings as well as you telling her about how you feel. You might not think it right now, but your opinion and your feelings matter!
I had some friends like that at Primary School; one minute they were all Nicey-Nicey then the next minute they were all grumpy :P I know, right?
Part of their behaviour can be blamed on hormones, but not all of it. They have no right to treat you like that, as you are supposed to be friends!
Is there anyone else in the class you could be friends with?
I had a major fall out with my Best Friend and I ended up hanging out with some other girls so I could have time to cool off. In the end, we made up.
So maybe that's what you should do, Josie?
Hang out with some other girls, give your old friends a break, a breather. They'll appreciate you more then. They'll respect your authority. You must never try too hard to like someone or to fit in.
Don't ice out Lucy, but maybe keep away from these other girls.
love from Yazzyxxx