Reader Marie tells us about the heart-breaking letter she wrote to her dad after a family split... but didn't have the courage to send.
Marie says:
Dear Dad,
I miss you. I thought you should know that, even though you clearly don't miss me. If you did, you'd call or email or come up to see me sometimes, even if it did involve a long journey by car. It was your choice to move away, your choice to leave Mum and me and start a new family.
I have a new little half brother now, and I only know that because Nan has told me, and showed me a picture. You and S (your new girlfriend) look so happy, the new baby in your arms. A perfect family. Mum and me must have been very imperfect, because you seem to have forgotten we ever existed. Not a card on my birthday, nor at Christmas... does it make you feel better, pretending you don't have a daughter? I hope so. I hope at least one of us is happy.
I'm not happy, Dad, and nor is Mum. She is working too hard, not eating properly. Sometimes at night I hear her crying. She misses you, like I do, but I wish we didn't. I wish we could forget and move on as easily as you have. We still see Nan, even though you told her you'd prefer it if she cut off all contact. She didn't do that because she's a good person, better than you, Dad. She doesn't walk away from her own flesh and blood. She has never made me feel second best, never made Mum feel that she did anything wrong. You were the one who wrecked it all, Dad. You met someone new and walked away from us as if we didn't matter at all. I am writing this letter because I think you need to know that I miss you, but that I think we are better off without you. I used to think you were amazing, my hero, but I don't think those things now. I am ashamed of you, and one day soon I hope I won't miss you at all because you don't deserve my tears.
I want to send you this letter, Dad. I want you to know how much you've hurt us all, me, Mum, even Nan. I want you to understand the damage you've done. I won't post this letter though, because a part of me is scared it would push you even further away. I'll burn it, destroy it. And there's another thing too, of course... I don't know your address. Thanks for that, Dad. It's good to know how much I mean to you. It's good though, really, because if I posted this letter I know you would ignore it. You wouldn't care, wouldn't reply. No, Dad, you don't deserve my tears at all.
Fabulous photo by talented reader Khiana; many thanks!
Cathy says:
Marie's letter is heartbreaking. A family split doesn't have to end this way, but often there is a lot of hurt all round. Have YOU ever been let down badly by someone who was supposed to love you? COMMENT BELOW and have your say...
Dear Dad,
I miss you. I thought you should know that, even though you clearly don't miss me. If you did, you'd call or email or come up to see me sometimes, even if it did involve a long journey by car. It was your choice to move away, your choice to leave Mum and me and start a new family.
I have a new little half brother now, and I only know that because Nan has told me, and showed me a picture. You and S (your new girlfriend) look so happy, the new baby in your arms. A perfect family. Mum and me must have been very imperfect, because you seem to have forgotten we ever existed. Not a card on my birthday, nor at Christmas... does it make you feel better, pretending you don't have a daughter? I hope so. I hope at least one of us is happy.
I'm not happy, Dad, and nor is Mum. She is working too hard, not eating properly. Sometimes at night I hear her crying. She misses you, like I do, but I wish we didn't. I wish we could forget and move on as easily as you have. We still see Nan, even though you told her you'd prefer it if she cut off all contact. She didn't do that because she's a good person, better than you, Dad. She doesn't walk away from her own flesh and blood. She has never made me feel second best, never made Mum feel that she did anything wrong. You were the one who wrecked it all, Dad. You met someone new and walked away from us as if we didn't matter at all. I am writing this letter because I think you need to know that I miss you, but that I think we are better off without you. I used to think you were amazing, my hero, but I don't think those things now. I am ashamed of you, and one day soon I hope I won't miss you at all because you don't deserve my tears.
I want to send you this letter, Dad. I want you to know how much you've hurt us all, me, Mum, even Nan. I want you to understand the damage you've done. I won't post this letter though, because a part of me is scared it would push you even further away. I'll burn it, destroy it. And there's another thing too, of course... I don't know your address. Thanks for that, Dad. It's good to know how much I mean to you. It's good though, really, because if I posted this letter I know you would ignore it. You wouldn't care, wouldn't reply. No, Dad, you don't deserve my tears at all.
Fabulous photo by talented reader Khiana; many thanks!
Cathy says:
Marie's letter is heartbreaking. A family split doesn't have to end this way, but often there is a lot of hurt all round. Have YOU ever been let down badly by someone who was supposed to love you? COMMENT BELOW and have your say...
This must be really hard for you and your mum but i think you should move on. It's his loss after all, i mean he lost a daughter and a wife who loved him so much
ReplyDeleteXoxo
Families that have been smashed is a hard and harsh thing to go through. Its a journey that holds fear and hurt from every view. And everyone has a different story to tell. Its not easy, it really isn't. But writing letters, or cards, even if they are not sent, can help you to understand what is happening. Talking to people and others who you have trust with can help as well, because keeping such a experience inside can feel so horrible. They are your family, you love them. Right? Even if they have hurt you in a big way, you may still love them because you know their good side and so its going to hurt. But talking to friends or doing things that you like, anything, can save you from despair. There is always strain and sadness there, but remember, this is not the end of the world. Keep on moving forwards. Write as many un-sent letters as you like.
ReplyDeleteMarie you are so brave i can feel your hurt but to be honest it's him that's losing out on something not you
ReplyDeleteMarie, that must be so hard for you. I'm so sorry...
ReplyDeleteStay strong! :-)
Xoxox
Don't worry Marie,look after your mom and gran,forget about it cos it is his loss,losing the mother and the talented gdaughter(you)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, Marie.
ReplyDeleteThis letter almost made me cry...
You are strong and brave and nobody is worth your tears because you are a good person. Remember, if someone is silly enough to walk away from a wonderful person like you, be smart enough to let them go.
I wish you all the best, stay strong because that is your power. Look after your family, be the glue that holds them together when your father can't.
-Anael.
PS. It is his loss completely.