Wednesday, 14 December 2016

CARRIE: MESSED UP CHRISTMAS

It's problem page time on DREAMCATCHER again and reader Carrie has a worry for HONEY TANBERRY to untangle...

Carrie says:
Christmas is ruined before it has even begun this year. Mum and Dad broke up in February and they are in the middle of a divorce. Dad is living twenty miles away with his new girlfriend and her four year old son, and me and my little sister are with Mum. It's bad enough that this has happened, because no matter how they try to explain that they don't love each any more and that splitting up is the best thing, it doesn't feel like the 'best thing' to us. We see Dad every other weekend which is awkward, especially if we have to go there. And now we have to spend Christmas Day with them. It won't be the same, and I am so angry about it, and even though Mum is being positive and upbeat I know she is upset too. I hate my life.

Honey says:
I won't lie, divorce stinks for the kids, to begin with anyway. It's messy and painful and you never get to see the absent parent enough, and no, it's never quite the same anyway. And Christmas? Hopeless. I've had Christmas phone calls from Dad when he lived in London, and Skype calls once he went to Australia, and they were awful, but not as awful as the year I spent Christmas with him and his new partner on the beach in Sydney. So no, it's not easy, but you have to do your very best to make it work all the same. Set aside your expectations of what Christmas 'should' be like and accept that this year it will be different. Ask how you can help, get involved, and go along with traditions and routines that may be different to the ones you are used to. Smile and act your way through it... try your hardest. Your Dad's girlfriend's son hasn't asked for this situation either, so be extra kind to him if you can. OK, your mum may be sad about spending Christmas Day away from you, but assign a day to celebrate together and make sure it's brilliant. Don't make things worse by hating your life... that's a mistake I made for way too long. Drop the attitude and look for the good stuff - it will be there, I promise. Life after divorce is a challenge, but you can make it work more smoothly by expecting the best rather than the worst, and trying hard to find the magic no matter what. Have a good one!

Cathy says:
I love Honey's advice - brutally honest, but very upbeat too! Do YOU agree with Honey's advice or would you add more suggestions? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!

3 comments:

  1. You need to have faith for the future. One of the nasty bits about moving into a house with someone you don't know is the rules and expectations you are told to follow and live up to when you are not used to them. Respect their idea's and enjoy your christmas. Why not have a little celebration with your mum before christmas? Make it special and fun. Make family time. At christmas, family is the most important. And remember, have faith for the future. In a year or so, things can get better. Way better. You never know. And to all people who are struggling with a similar issue or any problem, hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yh honeys right you'll get there in the end push through the bad and hurt you'll get there!

    ReplyDelete