Another in our series of agony aunt posts… reader Maryam asks chocolate box girl CHERRY COSTELLO for help…
Maryam says:
Last year I started a new school and fell for a boy who helped show me around. I was sure he liked me too. We got along brilliantly, but nothing happened between us so I wrote him a letter to tell him how I felt. It ruined everything. Now he won't talk to me and when we pass we shield our eyes as if to keep from seeing the other; it's like we are enemies now. To make matters worse, he is going out with a girl a real Honey Tanberry lookalike; yes, she's pretty, but I don't understand what has made him fall for her. My friend tells me to act more feminine, but I am brainy and not the pink princess or boy-band fanatic type, so how do I do that? I've tried new hairstyles, but nothing makes a difference. How can I make him forget his current girlfriend and like me again?
Cherry says:
The quick answer is, you can't. As teenagers, we fall in and out of love quickly and unpredictably, and sadly, the people we fall for don't always feel the same way about us. You fell for this boy, but it sounds as though he saw you as a friend rather than anything more. Sending him a letter setting out your feelings probably made him feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, and he retreated from the friendship. He has a girlfriend now and though you can't see what he likes about her, that doesn't matter - it's what HE thinks that matters here. We don't always make the wisest choices in our teens, so I am not saying this romance will last, but for now at least he is off limits. You cannot make him forget his girlfriend, nor can you make him like you again - those choices are for him to make. What I do want to say is that your friend is wrong to tell you to change and become 'more feminine' to get his attention. I see lots of girls at school who are acting out a part, trying to be like the celebs they see on TV with dyed hair, perfect make-up and the same old interests and styles. Who wants to be like everyone else? You are a clever, strong personality - that's GOOD. Be yourself, be unique and individual… one day, someone will fall for you and the bond you build will be all the stronger because you are being true to yourself. If this boy is not interested then he's not the boy for you… but you WILL meet the right person one day, I promise.
Cathy says:
I agree with Cherry on this - but do YOU have any extra advice for Maryam? This is a tough situation, and one that a few of us have been in. COMMENT BELOW to have your say.
Last year I started a new school and fell for a boy who helped show me around. I was sure he liked me too. We got along brilliantly, but nothing happened between us so I wrote him a letter to tell him how I felt. It ruined everything. Now he won't talk to me and when we pass we shield our eyes as if to keep from seeing the other; it's like we are enemies now. To make matters worse, he is going out with a girl a real Honey Tanberry lookalike; yes, she's pretty, but I don't understand what has made him fall for her. My friend tells me to act more feminine, but I am brainy and not the pink princess or boy-band fanatic type, so how do I do that? I've tried new hairstyles, but nothing makes a difference. How can I make him forget his current girlfriend and like me again?
Cherry says:
The quick answer is, you can't. As teenagers, we fall in and out of love quickly and unpredictably, and sadly, the people we fall for don't always feel the same way about us. You fell for this boy, but it sounds as though he saw you as a friend rather than anything more. Sending him a letter setting out your feelings probably made him feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, and he retreated from the friendship. He has a girlfriend now and though you can't see what he likes about her, that doesn't matter - it's what HE thinks that matters here. We don't always make the wisest choices in our teens, so I am not saying this romance will last, but for now at least he is off limits. You cannot make him forget his girlfriend, nor can you make him like you again - those choices are for him to make. What I do want to say is that your friend is wrong to tell you to change and become 'more feminine' to get his attention. I see lots of girls at school who are acting out a part, trying to be like the celebs they see on TV with dyed hair, perfect make-up and the same old interests and styles. Who wants to be like everyone else? You are a clever, strong personality - that's GOOD. Be yourself, be unique and individual… one day, someone will fall for you and the bond you build will be all the stronger because you are being true to yourself. If this boy is not interested then he's not the boy for you… but you WILL meet the right person one day, I promise.
Cathy says:
I agree with Cherry on this - but do YOU have any extra advice for Maryam? This is a tough situation, and one that a few of us have been in. COMMENT BELOW to have your say.
But what if she does love him dearly, and he secretly likes her? You never know, he could still like you, Maryam.
ReplyDeleteThis is just like Alfie and Summer - Maryam is playing as Alfie, the boy is Summer, and in the end of Summer's dream, Alfie and Summer are together, so maybe he is the right boy for you after all! All you have to do is give your love some time to heal, then all the shattered pieces shall fit together, making your love stronger, but the important thing is, within the healing time, you're going to act like the medicine, meaning that you're going to have to try to attract him in your unique way that you think up of, but without pressure on him. Like Cherry said, it's HIS decision, not yours, the only thing that you can do is persuade him to love you again, and this has to be done without words and without writing him another letter - it could ruin everything again. If hairstyles don't give an improvement - but if you like them and think that they make you feel like an individual, keep that! But don't lose your clever, strong personality - it's your speciality to be like that, like mine is writing stories, daydreaming and surfing the blog and CC web! If you want to dazzle him, try using your favourite subjects to do that! You may be interested in maths or art, so aim a brilliant level or achievement at it, then he'll be amazed, and you won't be changing anything about you, except for doing a real good improvement to yourself! That's what I call the best and most sensible way to make him like you again!
ReplyDelete'Sometimes people we love just don't love back. Enough, anyway'. Was that the quote? Anyway....
ReplyDeleteI think Maryam should try to move on from the guy. It might be hard, but I feel like trying to impress him right now would just push him further away. Try to focus more on friends, hobbies and whatever makes you unconditionally happy, it isn't good to dwell on a guy who is taken. Maybe you'll be together in the future, but not when he has a girlfriend!
Hey Maryam!!! What you have said is something that every girl experiences sometime or the other...in fact, even I had a crush on a guy, and we were really close friends, but then he just disappeared like *POOF* and now we are strangers...initially I was super heart broken and even cried once, but as time passed, I realised that these are all infatuations, passing gusts of wind, which come and go...guys mature slower than girls (haha ain't we great?) and so it is almost impossible for them to understand how we feel...so all I wanna tell you is that these are just phases of life which shouldn't be taken seriously ; if this guy you are talking about is really meant to be yours, you WILL be reunited again in the best way, in the best time, and if he isn't, you know there's someone much better out there for you, it's just a matter of time before you get together with that person...
ReplyDeleteWho needs boys when u got a good book? :-) although i know the feeling. I had a boyfriend and when we broke up there was soo much awkwardness. He then moved away and i felt bad. Could i have done something? I think u should try and become friends again but make it clear all u want is friendship (even if u dont) one day u may regret it.........
ReplyDelete