Another in our regular problem page series… reader Lara asks Honey Tanberry for tips on handling her moods! Will YOU agree with Honey's advice?
Lara says:
I am scared that being a teenager is turning me into a drama queen… well, a bit like you, Honey. No, I am not off the rails and I do well at school, but at home it's a different story. Whenever I speak to anyone in my family I just get angry and annoyed. I know this is nobody's fault but my own, but if you could give me some tips for how to bite my tongue and not say anything bad, that would be brilliant.
Honey says:
C'mon… who wouldn't want to be like me? Seriously?
Well, OK… maybe not. My short fuse and quick temper has got me into trouble more times than I can say, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Like you, I seemed to have less tolerance for my family… at one point, when I was in my early to mid teens, just about everything my mum said drove me nuts, and my sisters really bugged me too. As for Paddy and Cherry… well, let's not go there. I think I was feeling pretty angry after Dad left, but I think hormones and that whole growing-up thing played a part too. Those up-and-down moods really are a natural part of growing up. You might not think it, but I am quite a sensitive person. I feel things very strongly, and sometimes, especially when I was younger, I didn't know what to do with those feelings and they'd just kind of erupt and cause all kinds of trouble.
The thing is, letting off steam may help you and me, but those harsh words hurt other people, people we love. In the end, trying to see things from the other person's viewpoint helped me to keep things in perspective; the things that were upsetting me genuinely weren't intended to. I guess I realised that not everything was about me. I learned to take a deep breath, step back and count to ten… and chill a little. I still get irritated, but these days I'll go for a run or a swim, or paint a picture, or play my music really loud until I feel better. I've also learned to say sorry when I know I'm in the wrong… never easy, but who says life is easy anyhow? Find your own ways to calm down and practice walking away from the situations that wind you up. Growing up is hard enough without making your home life into a battlefield… trust me, that's one lesson I've learned the hard way.
Cathy says:
Honey's answer is very honest - and very helpful, too, I think. What advice would YOU add to help Lara drop the drama queen tendencies? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Lara says:
I am scared that being a teenager is turning me into a drama queen… well, a bit like you, Honey. No, I am not off the rails and I do well at school, but at home it's a different story. Whenever I speak to anyone in my family I just get angry and annoyed. I know this is nobody's fault but my own, but if you could give me some tips for how to bite my tongue and not say anything bad, that would be brilliant.
C'mon… who wouldn't want to be like me? Seriously?
Well, OK… maybe not. My short fuse and quick temper has got me into trouble more times than I can say, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Like you, I seemed to have less tolerance for my family… at one point, when I was in my early to mid teens, just about everything my mum said drove me nuts, and my sisters really bugged me too. As for Paddy and Cherry… well, let's not go there. I think I was feeling pretty angry after Dad left, but I think hormones and that whole growing-up thing played a part too. Those up-and-down moods really are a natural part of growing up. You might not think it, but I am quite a sensitive person. I feel things very strongly, and sometimes, especially when I was younger, I didn't know what to do with those feelings and they'd just kind of erupt and cause all kinds of trouble.
The thing is, letting off steam may help you and me, but those harsh words hurt other people, people we love. In the end, trying to see things from the other person's viewpoint helped me to keep things in perspective; the things that were upsetting me genuinely weren't intended to. I guess I realised that not everything was about me. I learned to take a deep breath, step back and count to ten… and chill a little. I still get irritated, but these days I'll go for a run or a swim, or paint a picture, or play my music really loud until I feel better. I've also learned to say sorry when I know I'm in the wrong… never easy, but who says life is easy anyhow? Find your own ways to calm down and practice walking away from the situations that wind you up. Growing up is hard enough without making your home life into a battlefield… trust me, that's one lesson I've learned the hard way.
Cathy says:
Honey's answer is very honest - and very helpful, too, I think. What advice would YOU add to help Lara drop the drama queen tendencies? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
I find myself too with little tolerance as well.
ReplyDeleteI become snappy at the simples chores or question and I feel really bad about It afterwards as I don't like to be that way towards parents.
I think the best advice is to have some space, till you both cool off amazing what five minutes can do away from the situation can do.
Mistake to point out:
ReplyDelete'The thing is, letting of'f' steam may help you . . . '
P.S. I might've took your job, Blue.
I'm sure there's room for two spellcheckers.
DeleteThere IS room for two spellcheckers...right?
I'll just curse college for taking up my valuable proofreading time. You got there first...this time!
You're both fab… nobody is going anywhere, OK? Proofreader duels up ahead… ;o) xxx
DeleteThat's good then . . . I've finally found someone who appreciates spelling and grammar just like I do - perfecto!
DeleteI know it's hard to not say things out of anger and frustration, but staying calm and counting to ten while breathing in and out deeply when you do feel frustrated can help. My younger brother's going through this stage at the minute. Don't worry about it, it's a normal part of growing up, and it will soon pass by.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to have something as a go-to when you need to chill out. For me, it's music and writing. I know my younger brother favours his Lego and his DVDs, along with a big bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk :)
I have the same problem! I'm really quiet at school and my hobbies are things like reading and art, so you'd think I'd be really friendly and well-behaved.... but actually I get really easily frustrated, and I suppose I can be quite moody. I've tried to change, but sometimes I get so annoyed about small things that I find it really hard not to complain and make life difficult for everyone. I've tried really hard to change, but I honestly can't understand how people can manage not to get worked up about things. I don't know if I just get more easily annoyed about things than other people, or if other people are just better at not showing when they're annoyed.
ReplyDeletewow
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's hard to stay calm when you just get annoyed but you just need to find something that makes you calm so when you're not in a good mood you can just calm down doing this.when I get angry I play music���������������� or I just go play some sport ���������������� this lets me calm down cos these are my favourite things. Hope this helps!!��������������
ReplyDeleteJust remember you are in control of yourself do what is best for you.