Another in our series of readers problems… as solved by the Chocolate Box sisters! Reader Kia has a question for Honey…
Kia says:
Three years ago my parents split up. They said they would stay friends, and although Dad left he promised to stay in touch with me and my younger brother. He did at first, but now he has moved to Wales for work and is living with a new girlfriend who has kids too. We are too far away to see him now. He hardly ever calls anymore either, and I am scared he will forget us. It was my birthday last week and all I got was a text in the evening and a promise he'd post a cheque, and I think that was only because Mum texted to remind him. I took the split in my stride but I feel like my heart is breaking now. I feel like Dad's replaced us.
Honey says:
Kia, I know how this feels. I was always Dad's favourite and I never believed he could let me down, but he did. I was devastated when he moved to Sydney, so I do understand how you felt when your dad moved away. When I went to stay with Dad I thought we'd get close again - he does love me, I know, but he isn't much good at being a dad. I am sure your dad loves you too, but he may be so busy with his job and his new 'family' that he doesn't remember things like birthdays. My dad is rubbish at all that stuff, too.
I don't think that your dad has replaced you, just that he may be like my dad and is not very good at keeping two lives running at once, so he concentrates on the new life and forgets sometimes about what he has left behind. This is hurtful, but he doesn't mean it to be, I know that. I stay in touch with letters and emails now, and Dad is getting better at staying connected. Find out which ways your dad likes to stay in touch - phone, text, Skype, letter - and use that. And remember that if he does let you down a bit just now, it won't be out of malice but just from not understanding how much you need him. I didn't really succeed at rebuilding things with my dad when I went to Australia, but I will try again one day. And meanwhile I will live my life, with or without him, and I will make that life as good as it possibly can be. I think you should do the same. And good luck!
Cathy says:
Do you agree with Honey's advice? Is there anything you would add? COMMENT BELOW to tell Kia what YOU would do in her shoes…
Three years ago my parents split up. They said they would stay friends, and although Dad left he promised to stay in touch with me and my younger brother. He did at first, but now he has moved to Wales for work and is living with a new girlfriend who has kids too. We are too far away to see him now. He hardly ever calls anymore either, and I am scared he will forget us. It was my birthday last week and all I got was a text in the evening and a promise he'd post a cheque, and I think that was only because Mum texted to remind him. I took the split in my stride but I feel like my heart is breaking now. I feel like Dad's replaced us.
Honey says:
Kia, I know how this feels. I was always Dad's favourite and I never believed he could let me down, but he did. I was devastated when he moved to Sydney, so I do understand how you felt when your dad moved away. When I went to stay with Dad I thought we'd get close again - he does love me, I know, but he isn't much good at being a dad. I am sure your dad loves you too, but he may be so busy with his job and his new 'family' that he doesn't remember things like birthdays. My dad is rubbish at all that stuff, too.
I don't think that your dad has replaced you, just that he may be like my dad and is not very good at keeping two lives running at once, so he concentrates on the new life and forgets sometimes about what he has left behind. This is hurtful, but he doesn't mean it to be, I know that. I stay in touch with letters and emails now, and Dad is getting better at staying connected. Find out which ways your dad likes to stay in touch - phone, text, Skype, letter - and use that. And remember that if he does let you down a bit just now, it won't be out of malice but just from not understanding how much you need him. I didn't really succeed at rebuilding things with my dad when I went to Australia, but I will try again one day. And meanwhile I will live my life, with or without him, and I will make that life as good as it possibly can be. I think you should do the same. And good luck!
Cathy says:
Do you agree with Honey's advice? Is there anything you would add? COMMENT BELOW to tell Kia what YOU would do in her shoes…
I think that Honey has gave very good advice here. My Mum and Dad never split up but my Dad died, nearly ten years ago. I would agree with finding a way you could stay in touch with your Dad and maybe ask him if he will visit you, every now and again, maybe even at Christmas! I hope it all works out well for you!
ReplyDeleteI agree with this anonymous commenter totally
DeleteI agree strongly with you also xxx
Deletemy sister is called Kia
ReplyDeleteStay strong Kia :-)
ReplyDeletehi peeps stay strong
ReplyDelete