Reader Sara asks Chocolate Box Girl Cherry for some friendship advice…
Sara says:
Cherry, can you please help me? I have been at secondary school for almost three months now but still don't have any proper friends. I hang out with some girls every day but they don't talk to me unless I talk to them, they never sit beside me in class, never wait for me and always go to each others houses and never invite me. I have tried hanging out with different groups, but the same things happen. What can I do?
Cherry says:
I know how it feels to be on the outside of a friendship; it was like this for me all the way through primary school. I tried so hard to fit in - too hard, probably. I invented things to try to make people like me more, and it backfired big time. I am not saying that's the problem for you, but something is going wrong; you really need to know why these girls are keeping you at arms length. Could you be trying too hard, acting too anxious or nervous, not letting them see your true personality?
If possible, talk to one of the girls alone and ask why the group don't want you to get close. It may be that you can get some clues about what they think and why they won't accept you. If this isn't possible, a guidance teacher may be able to help you work out what's happening. Meanwhile, keep trying - join a lunchtime group, help out in the school library, volunteer for the school play - do as many things as you can to help widen your friendship circle. When you meet the right people, the friendship will click… relax and keep being friendly and interested in others. In time, you will find the right friends for you.
Cathy says:
Do YOU agree with Cherry's advice? Is there anything else Sara can do to change things? COMMENT BELOW to have your say…
Cherry, can you please help me? I have been at secondary school for almost three months now but still don't have any proper friends. I hang out with some girls every day but they don't talk to me unless I talk to them, they never sit beside me in class, never wait for me and always go to each others houses and never invite me. I have tried hanging out with different groups, but the same things happen. What can I do?
Cherry says:
I know how it feels to be on the outside of a friendship; it was like this for me all the way through primary school. I tried so hard to fit in - too hard, probably. I invented things to try to make people like me more, and it backfired big time. I am not saying that's the problem for you, but something is going wrong; you really need to know why these girls are keeping you at arms length. Could you be trying too hard, acting too anxious or nervous, not letting them see your true personality?
If possible, talk to one of the girls alone and ask why the group don't want you to get close. It may be that you can get some clues about what they think and why they won't accept you. If this isn't possible, a guidance teacher may be able to help you work out what's happening. Meanwhile, keep trying - join a lunchtime group, help out in the school library, volunteer for the school play - do as many things as you can to help widen your friendship circle. When you meet the right people, the friendship will click… relax and keep being friendly and interested in others. In time, you will find the right friends for you.
Cathy says:
Do YOU agree with Cherry's advice? Is there anything else Sara can do to change things? COMMENT BELOW to have your say…
I think Cherry is absolutely right. It is horrible not fitting in and it can make you feel sad. I also want to add that you should ask one of your friends if they want to go to your house for tea. Maybe then they can see what a wonderful person you are and hang out with you more. I hope this helps you. Unfortunately i cant say I feel your pain because its never happened to me. GOOD LUCK
ReplyDeleteI've had a similar problem and I think it's some pretty good advice. You can't force a friendship. What I've done is found a person in a different class who I like and got to know them, then met some of their friends and found out more about them. Grow the branches of the tree slowly.
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether this person will see this comment but I want to give them some advice! You should try doing all the things they're not doing for you-maybe they don't know you want them to be with them all the time, maybe they think you have other friends that you hang out with at other times because you aren't doing the things you say they aren't doing? You should find them at lunch and break and ask them if you can sit with them because maybe they don't realise you want to sit there with them or perhaps you should wait for THEM after lessons and try and talk to them once they out of the lesson? Just small chat like "what do we have next?", "have you done your homework?" or just something about the supply teacher you might have had like "they were a good supply weren't they" or "I was bored in their lesson, I prefer our normal teacher don't you?". Then you can start a conversation while you go to the next lesson. Also, use the seating plans in a class as an advantage, try to talk to the person next to you. You don't have to get to know them just ask them what to do in a task or say something about the subject. The more and more you talk to them the more they will get to know you. Additionally I think you will make friends if you try to be funny. I like people who are funny but not silly because they are fun to be with. I really hope I have helped and remember not to upset your friends by arguing because it will take a while to make up and if they are new friends they will probably not forgive you because they don't know you that well.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I have exactly the same issue. Just believe in yourself and stay strong, positive, true to who you are. xx
ReplyDeleteIf you are true to yourself then people will noice you. You don't have to be one of the cool kids just be you! ♥ :-D don't give up xxx Rosie
ReplyDeleteJust express yourself because the best person you can ever be is you! Go and make your dreams come true! Friendship is one big dream that becomes reality! You're living in the bittersweet life of friendship!��
ReplyDeleteGood Luck:) I'm sure u'll make friends in no time as u seem like a lovely person. Hamdi:)xxx
ReplyDeleteYou will someday find the right friends. Anyways, being unpopular can have some advantages, too! You don't need loads, just 2 or 3 good friends.
ReplyDelete