It's agony aunt time on DREAMCATCHER again… and reader Gemma has a question for Cherry Costello…
Gemma says:
I fell out with my three friends at the start of the holidays. There was a sleepover and I made the mistake of pulling one friend up when she criticised a girl from our class. She does make bitchy comments sometimes and it upsets me, because in other ways she's a great friend. I have never challenged her before and it backfired badly, with all three of them turning on me, accusing me of thinking I was better than them, calling me Little Miss Perfect, saying I am boring and a snob. I thought it would blow over, but in the last two weeks it has got worse, with nasty comments online trying to set everyone from school against me. I am dreading the new term in September because it's looking like I won't have a single friend left by then. I was trying to do a good thing, but I wish I'd kept my mouth shut.
Cherry says:
Don't be sorry that you spoke out against the nastiness - it was the right thing to do. Your friend has reacted strongly to the criticism because she knows she's wrong, and the others are backing her up because they don't want to be her next target. They are not the good friends you thought they were - they're insecure and a little afraid of the mean friend's sharp tongue. It's never nice to be on the wrong side of people like this - and I know, I have been there - but in the long run you are better without the kind of friends who make themselves feel better by picking on others. See the new term as a fresh start and slowly get to know a few people you can trust and have fun with. Forget being in with the 'right' crowd and focus on people who are interesting, kind, funny, unique. This friendship split may feel like the end of the world right now, but in time you may come to see it as a lucky escape.
Cathy says:
Have you ever been through this kind of friendship trouble? Do YOU agree with Cherry's advice? Is there anything you'd add? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Gemma says:
I fell out with my three friends at the start of the holidays. There was a sleepover and I made the mistake of pulling one friend up when she criticised a girl from our class. She does make bitchy comments sometimes and it upsets me, because in other ways she's a great friend. I have never challenged her before and it backfired badly, with all three of them turning on me, accusing me of thinking I was better than them, calling me Little Miss Perfect, saying I am boring and a snob. I thought it would blow over, but in the last two weeks it has got worse, with nasty comments online trying to set everyone from school against me. I am dreading the new term in September because it's looking like I won't have a single friend left by then. I was trying to do a good thing, but I wish I'd kept my mouth shut.
Don't be sorry that you spoke out against the nastiness - it was the right thing to do. Your friend has reacted strongly to the criticism because she knows she's wrong, and the others are backing her up because they don't want to be her next target. They are not the good friends you thought they were - they're insecure and a little afraid of the mean friend's sharp tongue. It's never nice to be on the wrong side of people like this - and I know, I have been there - but in the long run you are better without the kind of friends who make themselves feel better by picking on others. See the new term as a fresh start and slowly get to know a few people you can trust and have fun with. Forget being in with the 'right' crowd and focus on people who are interesting, kind, funny, unique. This friendship split may feel like the end of the world right now, but in time you may come to see it as a lucky escape.
Cathy says:
Have you ever been through this kind of friendship trouble? Do YOU agree with Cherry's advice? Is there anything you'd add? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Hi Gemma,
ReplyDeleteI've been through a simalar situation. I used to be really close to two girls who lived next door to me, they were sisters, two years apart but fairly close as they shared a room ect. I was in the middle.
One of the girls, started being mean, really mean to her sister, so I stood up to her and sided with the younger girl, who was one year below me.
Once, the older girl pushed the younger one and she really hurt her arm, of course that was a big deal and I told her she was wrong. That was pretty much the end of our friendship. The younger girl still smiles at me if we see each other, but if the older girl catchs my eye, her eyes are full of hate. Most of the time, she doesnt even look at me.
One word: AGREED
ReplyDeleteI think you mean you are better 'without' those sort of friends, not "with" them!
ReplyDeleteHi! I just thought I'd let you know that in Cherry's advice section there is a mistake that makes the meaning completely different. It says-' but in the long run you are better with friends who make themselves feel better by picking on others', I think it was meant to to say you aren't better with those sorts of friends or you are better with people who DON'T treat people like that. I'm not sure which you meant to write but I thought I might just let you know so that it is a bit less confusing. :) Hope I helped!
ReplyDeleteGemma,
ReplyDeleteI am not looking forward to going back either. Something happened with a boy in my class, at a party, early on in the Summer. Knowing my year I am definitely going to be slagged for it but I am going to walk in with my head held high and not give them what they want. My advice is don't let them get to you, they are being extremely unfair to you and the other girl. So what you did the RIGHT THING and if they are going to treat you like that for being a GOOD PERSON they don't deserve your friendship. I know this hard to hear since they are your friends but sometimes you have to be selfish and think of the strain this relationship is putting you under. Of course you are the best judge in this situation. This is merely advice.
Best of luck,
Emma M
Gemma,i used to always dread the next day of school because people teased me about my clothes(i loved anything tie-dye and my parents didn't correct me.) and my accent and my enthusiastic approach to school.I did't have any friends in S1 or year seven because they all thought i was a "swot " and a "nerd".That summer holidays i decided that i'd do some thing about it so i wore jeans and hoodies yet the girls in my class still found things to comment nastily on.When i entered year eight or S2 I still liked my tie dye stuff but i created my own style Crazy Dye where i wore bright coloured jeans any colour apart from black or the normal jean colour and tie died hoodies and tshirts.When the new year started There was a few comments but i brushed them off.There was a new girl in my class and i was really nice to her and soon we were besties.After a couple of weeks i started to notice lots of other people wearing tie-dye stuff,even the girls who had niggled at me.My advise is don't change yourself for anyone and just be yourself
ReplyDeleteHi Gemma,
ReplyDeleteI can understand that you stuck up for somebody, I would do that too! Try and make new friends, true new friends would know that you are a kind loyal person. You are better off without those friends! That's my advice!