Another in our regular series of reader problems… this time, Summer Tanberry advises a reader who isn't sure she needs help…
Denise says:
My mum says I have changed since starting high school. She thinks I am more moody and stressed, that I'm not seeing my old friends and that I am not eating properly. I don't think I've changed - well, not much - and OK, I may be eating a bit less but I am just trying to cut down a little and I don't think it's a problem. I just want to make her see I'm fine. Can you help?
Summer says:
I think I can help, but I am not sure you are ready to listen or to take my help. I think your mum may have picked up on a real problem… and that you should listen and talk to her about whatever it is that's worrying you. If my mum had been around when I got ill, I may not have spent the last couple of years attending an Eating Disorders clinic. I know that when I started to get ill, I was in denial… I didn't want to admit there was anything wrong, but looking back I was moody and stressed. I pushed my friends away and I became very fussy about my food… and yet if anyone had challenged me I would have argued that they were inventing problems where none existed. I think you've written to me because you are secretly worried about your feelings and your anxiety around food. Take my advice and see your doctor… he/she can help by referring you to a specialist counsellor who will help you to tackle the scary feelings I suspect you are feeling. Please listen - and reach out and accept the help your mum is offering.
Cathy says:
Do YOU agree with Summer's advice? COMMENT BELOW to add your own suggestions for Denise.
Denise says:
My mum says I have changed since starting high school. She thinks I am more moody and stressed, that I'm not seeing my old friends and that I am not eating properly. I don't think I've changed - well, not much - and OK, I may be eating a bit less but I am just trying to cut down a little and I don't think it's a problem. I just want to make her see I'm fine. Can you help?
I think I can help, but I am not sure you are ready to listen or to take my help. I think your mum may have picked up on a real problem… and that you should listen and talk to her about whatever it is that's worrying you. If my mum had been around when I got ill, I may not have spent the last couple of years attending an Eating Disorders clinic. I know that when I started to get ill, I was in denial… I didn't want to admit there was anything wrong, but looking back I was moody and stressed. I pushed my friends away and I became very fussy about my food… and yet if anyone had challenged me I would have argued that they were inventing problems where none existed. I think you've written to me because you are secretly worried about your feelings and your anxiety around food. Take my advice and see your doctor… he/she can help by referring you to a specialist counsellor who will help you to tackle the scary feelings I suspect you are feeling. Please listen - and reach out and accept the help your mum is offering.
Cathy says:
Do YOU agree with Summer's advice? COMMENT BELOW to add your own suggestions for Denise.
Even if it just gives both you and your mum peace of mind, it's worth going.
ReplyDeleteMy mother stopped me getting the help I needed for my depression, and as a result it developed into a more serious disorder called bi-polar disorder, and what started out as me not eating as much as I used to became a full blown eating disorder.
Relationships with family change over time, but you are really lucky that your mum is reading what she considers to be warning signs and letting you know they are there. She'll be ready to support you if you need it.
I know there's a lot of stigma around things like eating disorders and being withdrawn, but in truth it doesn't change you as a person and doesn't define you as who you are. Getting help was the best thing I did: I just wish I had been allowed to get the help I needed when the warning signs first started to appear.
I wish my mother had been like yours.
Hope you are okay now, Visions in Blue.
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