Reader Linzi has a problem… a boy problem. Honey Tanberry seems like the perfect sister to answer…
Linzi says:
Recently I was reading Cathy's book GINGERSNAPS and it made me cry. I feel awkward writing this, but it's because that book hit home for me. There's a guy, like Sam in the book, who has a musical soul, a smile worth more than money and a beat in every stride. I like him - a lot - but he's rich and popular and never notices me. Sometimes, he acts like he hates me. He has a perfect family while I am struggling with mine and giving up hope. I need someone to give me the confidence I need and I know I'll never get there by kicking myself in the heart. What do I do?
Honey says:
First of all, you need to stop acting like this boy is somehow better than you. He's not - he's just a boy, and so what if he's rich and popular? So what if he has the 'perfect' family? Those things don't make him better, nicer, cooler. They're just background details. What matters is what HE is like… is he cute, kind, funny, sweet? It's time you got to know him and found out. If you like him, talk to him, get to know him - make him notice you. (A little flirting usually works for this, but it may not be your style!)
Crushing on someone is fine, but if you want to take it further you need to put the work in and build a friendship… if he feels the same way, things should take off from there. If you'd rather keep it as a crush, that's fine too… sometime it's just as cool. What isn't a good idea is to list down all the reasons why this boy would never like you, which is what you're doing. Ditch the negative attitude, work on your self esteem and set yourself the task of getting to know this boy as a friend. It may lead to something more, but even if it doesn't you should gain a new friend out of it.
As for the struggles with family, tell me about it. If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd talk to someone - a teacher or a counsellor - and try to build a more positive relationship. It's too late for me - I messed things up and there was a lot of hurt on all sides. It's not too late for you… reach out to your family and find some ways to compromise if you can. Good luck!
Cathy says:
Strong words from Honey! Do you agree with her advice, or would YOU suggest a different approach? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
Linzi says:
Recently I was reading Cathy's book GINGERSNAPS and it made me cry. I feel awkward writing this, but it's because that book hit home for me. There's a guy, like Sam in the book, who has a musical soul, a smile worth more than money and a beat in every stride. I like him - a lot - but he's rich and popular and never notices me. Sometimes, he acts like he hates me. He has a perfect family while I am struggling with mine and giving up hope. I need someone to give me the confidence I need and I know I'll never get there by kicking myself in the heart. What do I do?
First of all, you need to stop acting like this boy is somehow better than you. He's not - he's just a boy, and so what if he's rich and popular? So what if he has the 'perfect' family? Those things don't make him better, nicer, cooler. They're just background details. What matters is what HE is like… is he cute, kind, funny, sweet? It's time you got to know him and found out. If you like him, talk to him, get to know him - make him notice you. (A little flirting usually works for this, but it may not be your style!)
Crushing on someone is fine, but if you want to take it further you need to put the work in and build a friendship… if he feels the same way, things should take off from there. If you'd rather keep it as a crush, that's fine too… sometime it's just as cool. What isn't a good idea is to list down all the reasons why this boy would never like you, which is what you're doing. Ditch the negative attitude, work on your self esteem and set yourself the task of getting to know this boy as a friend. It may lead to something more, but even if it doesn't you should gain a new friend out of it.
As for the struggles with family, tell me about it. If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd talk to someone - a teacher or a counsellor - and try to build a more positive relationship. It's too late for me - I messed things up and there was a lot of hurt on all sides. It's not too late for you… reach out to your family and find some ways to compromise if you can. Good luck!
Cathy says:
Strong words from Honey! Do you agree with her advice, or would YOU suggest a different approach? COMMENT BELOW to have your say!
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