ZSA ZSA: MY LOST YEARS

Reader Zsa Zsa bravely opens up about what it's like to struggle with depression... a powerful, heartbreaking story.

Zsa Zsa says:

I was twelve when things began to go wrong for me. My parents were breaking up and the house was full of tension and screaming. I'd shut myself in my room and turn the music up to drown out the shouting. One night I climbed out of the window and went to a friend's house, but she was out... I won't say too much, but something bad happened that night and after that I began to have very dark thoughts. A year later I was off the rails, self-harming and running away a lot. The police found me one night trying to break into an abandoned building for shelter; they saw my scars and took me straight to the hospital. I was diagnosed with manic depression and spent the next four years going in and out of the psychiatric unit.

Medication didn't seem to help, it just made me angrier and I felt life was pointless. I bounced from one relationship to the next because I couldn't stand to be alone, and I'd fight anyone who got in my way. I was drinking and partying in an effort to numb the pain and my life had spiralled right out of control. I met someone I thought was special, but the relationship became abusive and although I clawed my way out, I was tormented by my past and overcome with anxiety and finally tried to end my own life.

I am eternally grateful to the friend who read between the lines and saw that something was wrong. They say you have to hit rock bottom before you can rebuild, and I certainly did. My friend supported me and together we found ways of coping - channeling my anger, meditation and writing were the things that worked for me. It has been a long battle - I may not have defeated depression, but I have learned how to manage it. Today my life is a world away from that angry, lost teenager, and I have many reasons to stay strong, including a child of my own... but my past has made me who I am.

My message to anyone feeling lost, alone or consumed with confusion over life events is to BE HEARD. If you feel you can't talk about it, write it down in a letter or journal... just getting your feelings out can really help. You don't have to deal with things alone - it tool me a long time to find that out and really believe it. Don't let fear of judgement stop you from reaching out, whether to friends or family. Most people just want to help, even if it's just a hug. I know myself that if I am having a down day, I don't always know why and I can't always talk about it... but a hug lets you know someone cares.
As someone who has been to the darkest depths and fought her way back up, here's MY virtual hug to you; there is ALWAYS someone who cares, even if you don't believe it at the time.

Names have been changed to protect Zsa Zsa's identity and pic posed by model.

Cathy says:
Zsa Zsa's story is so sad, but I love that after all she has been through she is still reaching out to try to help others with excellent advice and support. As for the power of the hug, I am totally with Zsa Zsa on that! COMMENT BELOW if you'd like to support Zsa Zsa... and if you are struggling yourself, please call CHILDLINE on 0800 1111 for confidential help and advice.