Time for another agony advice column slot here on the DREAMCATCHER blog-zine... and this time our guest agony aunt is the lovely CHERRY COSTELLO! We've chosen her to solve this particular reader's problem because she's been in a similar position herself. Can she sort this dilemma out?
Loren says:
I'm 14 and I have a big problem - I am falling in love with my best friend's boyfriend. He is so cute and kind, and we were actually friends before he got together with my friend. I think he did fancy me then but my friend was more confident and flirty, so I kind of missed my moment. I tried hard not to be jealous and I've never told my friend how I felt. I tried to forget him, but then he started texting me and messaging me on Facebook telling me he thinks he has made a mistake, and that he wishes he was with me. He knows I like him, and he says if I will go out with him he'll finish with my friend for sure. I don't know what to do. It's got to the point where I daren't be anywhere near him in case my friend guesses what's going on. If I agree, he'll dump my friend - and she'd probably never speak to me again. Help!
Cherry says:
Trust me, I know what it feels like to fall for a boy who is out of bounds. It's not good... all the complications can play games with your head. It can be hard to see what's really going on. This boy may have liked you first, but if so, why did he choose your friend? And if he knows he has made a mistake, why not end the relationship now and THEN ask you out? It seems he wants to have his cake and eat it too... he has the best of all worlds. If you don't agree to go out with him, he still has a girlfriend; if you do, your friend will blame you for breaking them up. And how do you know he won't do the same thing to you a little further along the line?
This seems like harsh advice, but if you genuinely feel there's something special between you, tell him to finish with your friend and take some time out before even thinking about a new relationship. Friendship comes first. Yes, I know, I didn't take my own advice on this, although Honey wasn't really a friend and she wasn't strictly family either... but boy do I regret the fall-out and bad feeling it caused when I started seeing Shay. I would still have done the same thing, though... sometimes you know what the 'right' thing is but you still can't do it.
I hope you can work out a way to follow your heart AND keep your friendship strong. Good luck!
Cherry
oxox
What would YOU say to Loren if you were an agony aunt? Do you think Cherry has given good advice? MESSAGE BELOW with your views!
I'm 14 and I have a big problem - I am falling in love with my best friend's boyfriend. He is so cute and kind, and we were actually friends before he got together with my friend. I think he did fancy me then but my friend was more confident and flirty, so I kind of missed my moment. I tried hard not to be jealous and I've never told my friend how I felt. I tried to forget him, but then he started texting me and messaging me on Facebook telling me he thinks he has made a mistake, and that he wishes he was with me. He knows I like him, and he says if I will go out with him he'll finish with my friend for sure. I don't know what to do. It's got to the point where I daren't be anywhere near him in case my friend guesses what's going on. If I agree, he'll dump my friend - and she'd probably never speak to me again. Help!
Cherry says:
Trust me, I know what it feels like to fall for a boy who is out of bounds. It's not good... all the complications can play games with your head. It can be hard to see what's really going on. This boy may have liked you first, but if so, why did he choose your friend? And if he knows he has made a mistake, why not end the relationship now and THEN ask you out? It seems he wants to have his cake and eat it too... he has the best of all worlds. If you don't agree to go out with him, he still has a girlfriend; if you do, your friend will blame you for breaking them up. And how do you know he won't do the same thing to you a little further along the line?
This seems like harsh advice, but if you genuinely feel there's something special between you, tell him to finish with your friend and take some time out before even thinking about a new relationship. Friendship comes first. Yes, I know, I didn't take my own advice on this, although Honey wasn't really a friend and she wasn't strictly family either... but boy do I regret the fall-out and bad feeling it caused when I started seeing Shay. I would still have done the same thing, though... sometimes you know what the 'right' thing is but you still can't do it.
I hope you can work out a way to follow your heart AND keep your friendship strong. Good luck!
Cherry
oxox
What would YOU say to Loren if you were an agony aunt? Do you think Cherry has given good advice? MESSAGE BELOW with your views!
I think Cherry's right. Friendship always comes first. One of the top BFF rules is to never let a boy/girl get in the way of your trust for each other. Boyfriends/Girlfriends come and go but your friend will always be there in your time of need!
ReplyDeletehi one of my friends at school broke her arm and she cant go out at breaktime so she has to stay in the library each break, I stay in with her a lot but my best friend is saying that she is losing my friendship by staying in the library so much. I tried to go outside today to talk to my BFF but she never listend and one of the boys in my year who broke his arm too told me to stay in the library with him, how am I ever going to speak to her?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteMy situation is almost the same as yours. Only that I am the one being left out.The feeling that you get with of your bffs is that there might be a point where one of you is left out. Why don't you try to communicate and be friends with another classmate? Four in a group seems to be always better and no one will feel left out.
DeleteI think what your BFF is putting you through is a question of trust. The fact that you sometimes hang out with other friends without her being there is making her feel insecure and she's starting to question whether or not you still are friends with her. I remember when my BFF starting hanging around other people instead of me. I wasn't happy about it at all! I felt distanced and unhappy. But after a while she came to me with her and included me and from then we all became a little friendship group. Maybe you should ask your BFF if she wants to hang out with you guys in the library. She'll probably say no at first but don't give up just like that. Eventually she'll hang out and you could all be a group together. Besides, once their arms are all better, you actually will be able to go outside! Don't let your BFF be left out.
ReplyDeleteHi thanks for the advice pepolz but my BFF is starting to hang out with another girl and she's not really talking to me anymore We do still talk but our friendship isnt as strong one of the boys who is my friend keeps on teasing me that the girls not my friend but im sure mine and my BFF friendship is not going to be brocken I will keep trying ! I have a dramatic life!
DeleteMates before dates girlies!! Xxx
ReplyDeleteI don't really know but if you really like him and can't stop thinking about him then maybe you should go for him and explain how you feel to your friend maybe she will understand, but I hate to tell you this but if your friend doesn't understand maybe she isn't a true friend like in gingersnaps. Your friend should understand if she truly is your best friend and maybe she will only be upset with you with a little bit, I hope you take this advice.
ReplyDeleteHi I switched schools two years ago and I am having trouble fitting in , I had some friends at my old school but I tried to convince my mom to let me go back but she thinks it's best I stay at my new school but I'm miserable but no one cares I'm basically invisible. But, I also kind of like being invisible, and I go to an all girls school. But at my old school there was a boy and all my friends said that he had a crush on me and I kind of like him too, but now what do I do cause I never get to see him and he won't really talk about if he likes me or not and I'm to scared to ask cause he is also is one of my best friends, but I think about him all the time do I like him?
ReplyDeleteI sent you the other one about not fitting in at my new school but also about The boy who might like me but I also want to see if I find another boy I like more just encase but how will I ever meet a boy going to an all girl school?
ReplyDeleteCherry has given Loren great advice and if u really think he fancies u, just ask him straight and then you'll know 4 sure
ReplyDeleteHi I was hoping Cathy Cassidy could help me with this
ReplyDeleteI write books just for me to read and I was hoping you could give me advice about writing, I don't have any trouble with the writing or ideas just I don't know how to end it because in my opinion a book should never ever end
good advice cherry!
ReplyDeleteCherry gave brilliant advice but also I think you need to speak to your best friend about it. If it all gets out of hand it's better she find out from you and not from some other person. If she is a real best friend she will not leave you as a BFF. Best friends come first because they are just so important so think what you want. To do
ReplyDelete